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Something I-We've never really written out, is first off about our plurality in general, and also why we feel we are this way. It's been a complicated road of ups and downs along our path of figuring out how to co-exist at times.. but all in all we've reached a state of harmony among each other.
We've actually grown a lot since first realizing I wasn't the sole individual in this body. At first I was selfish, I was upset at the thought of being multiple, of having to share. What made it worse was how quickly my partner included some of the others in our relationship when I had felt strictly monogamous.. My emotions are not pretty. I know jealousy doesn't look well, yet my mental state through this had eroded already. The fact being my headmates of current showed up after a major car accident I was in. I ended up missing a lot of work, being forced to take leave and take trial and error through medications. There were moments I didn't know who I was anymore. I disassociated from everything often, or I was having panic attacks. My doctor had diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, which wasn't quite right. It took a long time after to see a proper therapist to finally get a PTSD diagnoses. My medication was switched with her help and things got better.
A lot of the rejection I felt towards my headmates went away and I slowly began to accept them. Orion especially, had been the biggest help and emotional rock to lean on. He was the first one to show up, within a week or so of my accident. It was the worst accident and the one that spiraled me into a mental health crisis. Late at night on my drive home from work my car was slammed into the back of a large corn tractor before flying into an irrigation ditch. My eyesight went yellow on impact, the car was totaled, every airbag went off, and I was covered in blood. The cop who showed up was nice enough to drive me home as I denied the ambulance ride in fear of the cost. Probably should have taken it looking back now.. Anyway, not long after Orion started fronting. It was easier to accept him because it felt like he'd always been there, which he says he was, just unable to front until then. We're both Cybertronian, and had ended our last lives closely together. We theorize that in our deaths our sparks merged together.
After Orion, Prowl was the next to show up. My memory is really fuzzy of when this was, or what happened. All I know is it was another accident. He arrived angry and with an attitude. I never minded him, he doesn't front often. Mostly he comes out to be defensive and takes the role as protector. Other times he comes out to do laundry or other chores. He's quite anal about keeping things tidy and can be adamantly stern, though he keeps to himself otherwise. We think he followed Orion through the doorway to our headspace. There started to be a trend of cybertronians coming through.. particularly autobots.
Rodimus was the next to enter our system and the most difficult for me to accept. He showed up in a near-hit, accident avoided, at an intersection. I was driving straight through the light on green when a girl decided to make her left turn. I remember seeing her car inches from mine, when suddenly we floored it and took a dive into an empty exit(thank primus no one was there). I blanked out and Rodimus fronted the rest of that day, which my partner would tell me about when I came back. Now.. I really did not like Rodimus, and I did not like how often he spent with my mate. My jealousy stage was at full throttle when he showed up. I was not in a great mindset and started to recluse myself more and more. I struggled at work again, dark thoughts ran through my mind and I felt obsolete. Rodimus was a beacon of positivity. I despised that in my struggle with negative thoughts. Despised that he was more joyable to be around than me. Despite this, he was always there. He would disappear sometimes sure, but he always came back. I liked when he was gone, but eventually started to.. notice the empty space in his absence. We're on good terms as friends now, and everything has changed a lot since then.
The next and most recent headmate to come through is Wheeljack. He may be even more reclusive than Prowl. After the latest accident, getting rear-ended at a red light, he came out a couple weeks later. I was struggling setting up some wiring until he fronted and sorted it out for us. Every so often he will come out for similar things. Anything to do with technology and problem solving peaks his interest to intervene. His way of putting it is less of wanting to help, and more of not being able to stand seeing us struggle with "simple tasks". Fun guy. He still hasn't warmed up to any of us or our partner and tells us he won't stay for too long. So I guess we'll see.
Overall I feel like my headspace is linked to the Cybertronian city of Iacon, or to the titan that hosts it: Iaconis. I believe that makes me part of a gateway system or linked to this titan in some way at the least. For those who may not know, titans are the cityformers of Cybertron; large Cybertronians whose alt modes are entire cities. Imagine if NYC transformed its entirety, buildings and all, into a giant mech. That's what a cityformer is like. Iaconis, remains dormant in our headspace, resting in city-mode. He has only fronted once, and seemed to be a combined consciousness of all of us in the system. It felt like what I imagine a combiner might feel like; a combiner being multiple Cybertronians who form together to create one giant mech, though not as large as a titan.
Aside from my headmates, there is Bumblebee, who I would rather consider a soulbond than a headmate. The reason being because he does not reside within our headspace, and is only connected to me for some reason. Bumblebee and I can talk across whatever distance is between us, be it worlds, universes, who knows. I don't know if Bee is incarnated somewhere else or that he is speaking to me between dimensions. I just know that he has been there from as far back as I can remember before my awakening even. In our connection he likes to give advice and act as a guide to morality of sorts. That or he plays ridiculous music to get our attention and convey something to us through it.
Other headmates have come and gone in the past as well, entering through the gateway and returning back through it. I'm not sure why some come and go, and others have remained more permanently aside from personal choice of the individual. I don't know why my headspace is a gateway, whether it is a true spiritual gateway, or if something else may be the underlying cause. I'm not opposed to something psychological being the root either, though my personal belief's personally lie in the existence of spirituality, the existence of multiple universes, and other dimensions.
-Starscream the First
We've actually grown a lot since first realizing I wasn't the sole individual in this body. At first I was selfish, I was upset at the thought of being multiple, of having to share. What made it worse was how quickly my partner included some of the others in our relationship when I had felt strictly monogamous.. My emotions are not pretty. I know jealousy doesn't look well, yet my mental state through this had eroded already. The fact being my headmates of current showed up after a major car accident I was in. I ended up missing a lot of work, being forced to take leave and take trial and error through medications. There were moments I didn't know who I was anymore. I disassociated from everything often, or I was having panic attacks. My doctor had diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, which wasn't quite right. It took a long time after to see a proper therapist to finally get a PTSD diagnoses. My medication was switched with her help and things got better.
A lot of the rejection I felt towards my headmates went away and I slowly began to accept them. Orion especially, had been the biggest help and emotional rock to lean on. He was the first one to show up, within a week or so of my accident. It was the worst accident and the one that spiraled me into a mental health crisis. Late at night on my drive home from work my car was slammed into the back of a large corn tractor before flying into an irrigation ditch. My eyesight went yellow on impact, the car was totaled, every airbag went off, and I was covered in blood. The cop who showed up was nice enough to drive me home as I denied the ambulance ride in fear of the cost. Probably should have taken it looking back now.. Anyway, not long after Orion started fronting. It was easier to accept him because it felt like he'd always been there, which he says he was, just unable to front until then. We're both Cybertronian, and had ended our last lives closely together. We theorize that in our deaths our sparks merged together.
After Orion, Prowl was the next to show up. My memory is really fuzzy of when this was, or what happened. All I know is it was another accident. He arrived angry and with an attitude. I never minded him, he doesn't front often. Mostly he comes out to be defensive and takes the role as protector. Other times he comes out to do laundry or other chores. He's quite anal about keeping things tidy and can be adamantly stern, though he keeps to himself otherwise. We think he followed Orion through the doorway to our headspace. There started to be a trend of cybertronians coming through.. particularly autobots.
Rodimus was the next to enter our system and the most difficult for me to accept. He showed up in a near-hit, accident avoided, at an intersection. I was driving straight through the light on green when a girl decided to make her left turn. I remember seeing her car inches from mine, when suddenly we floored it and took a dive into an empty exit(thank primus no one was there). I blanked out and Rodimus fronted the rest of that day, which my partner would tell me about when I came back. Now.. I really did not like Rodimus, and I did not like how often he spent with my mate. My jealousy stage was at full throttle when he showed up. I was not in a great mindset and started to recluse myself more and more. I struggled at work again, dark thoughts ran through my mind and I felt obsolete. Rodimus was a beacon of positivity. I despised that in my struggle with negative thoughts. Despised that he was more joyable to be around than me. Despite this, he was always there. He would disappear sometimes sure, but he always came back. I liked when he was gone, but eventually started to.. notice the empty space in his absence. We're on good terms as friends now, and everything has changed a lot since then.
The next and most recent headmate to come through is Wheeljack. He may be even more reclusive than Prowl. After the latest accident, getting rear-ended at a red light, he came out a couple weeks later. I was struggling setting up some wiring until he fronted and sorted it out for us. Every so often he will come out for similar things. Anything to do with technology and problem solving peaks his interest to intervene. His way of putting it is less of wanting to help, and more of not being able to stand seeing us struggle with "simple tasks". Fun guy. He still hasn't warmed up to any of us or our partner and tells us he won't stay for too long. So I guess we'll see.
Overall I feel like my headspace is linked to the Cybertronian city of Iacon, or to the titan that hosts it: Iaconis. I believe that makes me part of a gateway system or linked to this titan in some way at the least. For those who may not know, titans are the cityformers of Cybertron; large Cybertronians whose alt modes are entire cities. Imagine if NYC transformed its entirety, buildings and all, into a giant mech. That's what a cityformer is like. Iaconis, remains dormant in our headspace, resting in city-mode. He has only fronted once, and seemed to be a combined consciousness of all of us in the system. It felt like what I imagine a combiner might feel like; a combiner being multiple Cybertronians who form together to create one giant mech, though not as large as a titan.
Aside from my headmates, there is Bumblebee, who I would rather consider a soulbond than a headmate. The reason being because he does not reside within our headspace, and is only connected to me for some reason. Bumblebee and I can talk across whatever distance is between us, be it worlds, universes, who knows. I don't know if Bee is incarnated somewhere else or that he is speaking to me between dimensions. I just know that he has been there from as far back as I can remember before my awakening even. In our connection he likes to give advice and act as a guide to morality of sorts. That or he plays ridiculous music to get our attention and convey something to us through it.
Other headmates have come and gone in the past as well, entering through the gateway and returning back through it. I'm not sure why some come and go, and others have remained more permanently aside from personal choice of the individual. I don't know why my headspace is a gateway, whether it is a true spiritual gateway, or if something else may be the underlying cause. I'm not opposed to something psychological being the root either, though my personal belief's personally lie in the existence of spirituality, the existence of multiple universes, and other dimensions.
-Starscream the First
